Susan Van Sciver

Category: Nonsense

  • Matt Damon for President

    Matt Damon for President

    Watching the most recent Republican debate last night I walked away more confused than ever.  I’m just not in love with any of the candidates or the incumbent.  Sorry, but it’s true.

    Why can’t we have a young, hard-working, honest, ambitious, well-educated candidate with great stage presence and phenomenal speaking skills?

    Imagine if Matt Damon ran for President.

    I realize he’s a movie star,  but Hollywood and Washington commingle every once in a while.  I know what you’re thinking.  He’s an ACTOR!  When he saves he world or sounds really smart in a role it’s because he is ACTING!  Well, every time we see the President in public or on television, he’s also acting.  He is acting like he has everything under control.  He is acting like the economy and world are heading towards a better future.  He is acting that he really enjoys every single public appearance he has to make.

    Why Matt Damon would be a good president:

    1. He’s well-educated.  He went to Harvard and his alter ego Will Hunting was a well-read, math genius.  See this YouTube clip from August when he rallied in defense of teachers, including his own mother.
    2. He can lead people.  In Invictus he led the South African rugby team and helped a world leader (Nelson Mandela)  bring people together.

    3.  He has great political potential.  See the Adjustment Bureau.

    4.  He will do whatever it takes to get the job done, even if that includes gaining weight (like in the Informant!) or losing a ton of weight (like in Courage Under Fire).

    5.  He could use his alter ego, Jason Bourne, to tackle international enemies.

    6.  He fights for what he believes in.   In 2008 Matt started Water.org to help develop clean water solutions for Africa since so  many illnesses are caused by contaminated water.

    7.  He admits when he’s wrong.  He worked hard campaigning for Obama in 2008 and recently slammed the man in Elle magazine.

    “You know, a one-term president with some balls who actually got stuff done would have been, in the long run of the country, much better.”

    See the entire article here

    8.  He’s very likable.  People voted him Sexiest Man Alive, which was kinda weird, but it means he would definitely win the popular vote.

    I’m not the only one who thinks so.  For better or worse, he has an endorsement from Michael Moore and there’s a Facebook page dedicated to the cause.

    Sadly, I hear that his partner Ben Affleck is the one with real political ambitions.

  • Mothballs and Healthcare

    Mothballs and Healthcare

    I hope the title of this post did not throw you.  I am not writing about the effects of mothballs on your health.  The last time I checked mothballs were not hazardous to your health (although you may want to check with your doctor to be absolutely sure).  I am also not writing a political thing about US healthcare because I just don’t want to go there…

    Instead I am writing about language today – the good, the bad, and the often confusing aspects of language.

    Right now, I am working pretty closely with an Italian guy, and sometimes we have a tough time understanding each other.  Lately he has been helping me learn about business in his country by translating some Italian documents, including news articles.

    The other day, he translated an Italian newspaper article about health care and finance.   I read his translation looking for factual information and a summary of the current state of affairs over there.  So I was quite surprised to see that the word “mothballs” had made its way into the English translation.

    First, I laughed because any time balls are mentioned I can’t help myself.  I know it’s childish.   

    Secondly, I wondered what mothballs had to do with healthcare.  Then I laughed again.

    I know some Italian – just the essential phrases, really.  For instance, I know “vorrei un bichierre di vino rosso” is “I would like a glass of red wine”.  I did not know that the Italian word for mothballs is “naftalina”.  I was having a tough time understanding how “mothballs” or “naftalina” could really be in a business article.

    So we put our Italian and American heads together.  It took us over 20 minutes to conclude that the author of the article was using a metaphor to describe the current situation in Italian health care (creditors were eating away at the company like mothballs in a closet…). Aah….

    This situation got me thinking about some of other confusing language moments I have experienced while working in a global business.  Below are some highlights from my time working with many people from many different countries.

    American sarcasm gone wrong:

    While debating the merits of a model we were working on at the time, one American colleague would often say to a Serbian colleague, “you’re a real piece of work!”.  The Serb thought it was a complement.  He thought “a real piece of work” meant a work like a musical opus or wonderful piece of artwork.  He didn’t realize he was actually being insulted!

    Foreign phrases I have learned:

    “I don’t know you from a bar of soap!”  My Malaysian colleague yelled this into the phone one day.  I had not heard it before and thought it was very funny because why would a person be compared to a bar of soap?  Apparently this phrase is quite common in Australia and is akin to the American “I don’t know him from Adam”.

    Susan not being so sensible:

    My first time in London, I was explaining to my colleagues how New Yorkers spot tourists, which is by spotting their fanny packs.  While my colleagues laughed and blushed, they explained to me that while fanny means a person’s rear in America, it means the front of a person in London.  Oops, did I just say vagina in a professional environment?!

    Almost offensive phrases:

    An American colleague said to a Brazilian colleague “You’ve got to be shitting me?”  For some reason, I was consulted to try to explain what this meant to the Brazilian.  I struggled with this one.  I don’t know about you, but the literal translation of this sentence gave me a rather unpleasant visual, and I really did not want to have to be so vulgar.  I did want to be thorough and accurate, though.

    So I did the only sensible thing, and made sure that I actually understood the potentially offensive word and phrase myself.  It was about 10 years ago this happened, so I actually opened a physical dictionary, but you can check out the online version:

    According to the dictionary:

    verb (shits, shitting; past and past participle shitted or shit or shat /ʃat/)

    • 1 [no object] expel faeces from the body.
    • [with object] (shit oneself) soil one’s clothes as a result of expelling faeces accidentally.
    • [with object] (shit oneself) be very frightened.
    • 2 [with object] tease or try to deceive (someone).

    Phew!  That last definition saved me from vulgarity!  That day we learned that the true meaning of the phrase “you’ve got to be shitting me?” is “you’ve got to be teasing me?”

    So while I ended up averting being vulgar in front of my 2 colleagues 10 years ago, I realize I was just extremely vulgar by sharing this story with the entire web!  I’m not extremely worried about it because I know there is merely a small fraction of the web actually reading this!

    I assure you that depsite my mention of balls, shit and vagina, I’m really a pretty classy lady!  However, I do feel compelled to Purell my hands and my keyboard after typing such filth!

    Do you have any humorous language mishaps?  If so, please share!  I’m sure we could all  use a laugh!

  • Beating China with Brownies

    Beating China with Brownies

    If the race to be the world’s super power includes a bake-off, we’ll be all set…

    In case you have not seen this before, let me show you what  America’s young innovators are creating:

    It’s called the Baker’s Edge Brownie Pan.  Like me, you may have seen this in a store.  It’s apparently life-changing enough to have made it to Oprah’s Favorite Things show.  I saw it and never thought of it again until I read the following artilce:

    Fans Play Favorite With Food

    I’m all for innovation, but something is seriously flawed with our society if our engineering minds would rather create brownie pans that no one really needs.  Aren’t there real problems that need real solutions.  Plus, does America really need any more encouragement to consume more brownies?!

    I am not blaming the inventor, Matt Griffin.  He’s certainly smarter than me.  He figured out how to sell a $35 dollar product to a whole bunch of people who didn’t need it.   I hope he continues inventing stuff.  Maybe he will develop the edge-less cake pan.  I really hate the crunchy cake pieces.

    I just think it would be nice to imagine a country that values true innovation and science just as much as this stuff.  Perhaps we need an Oprah-like person to be the champion for the real innovators.  Then maybe we’d have more cutting-edge ideas than brownies without edge…